The surgery is scheduled for July 6. Almost two months away. I wish it could have been sooner, but at least I feel like progress is being made. Maybe I do have endometriosis and they never caught it. Maybe it is the reason I am not pregnant yet. As I write that, some anger comes up…Do I have to direct their every step? It is aggravating to think that if I hadn’t spoke up, Dr. P might have kept me on Clomid indefinitely, all the time knowing that if it hasn’t worked by yet, it probably was never going to work.
I feel a bit ashamed too, that my behavior made them think I couldn’t handle shots. I can handle shots…Hell, I can handle anything if it gets me a baby…why would they assume that just because I am verbal about my fear it means I can’t handle it?
If I silently suffer, does that mean I am handling the stress better than someone who is verbal about their fear? That is the odd thing about the culture we live in—people that hide their pain are presumed to be a lot stronger than those who verbalize it, but in some cases, the person who holds it in might be a lot more stressed than someone like me who gets it out and then is over it. It is hard to explain that to someone who doesn’t cope in the same way, however, so I won’t even try.