Realize and accept right from the start that sometimes you will hear negative comments about your infertility, even from close friends and family.
Not everyone you love will support or understand what you are going through. Some of your dearest and closest friends and relatives may not understand or approve of your pursuing infertility treatments. Others may think it odd that you are having trouble getting pregnant, attributing the problem to something that is “all in your mind.” Some may wonder why you want children so badly, labeling you as ‘obsessive’ or even ‘imbalanced.’
Some people may feel it is morally wrong to get medical help to have a baby. Some may not be able to understand at all why you are having trouble getting pregnant. They may blame you and say you are too uptight, anxious or nervous.
Other people might feel uncomfortable seeing someone ardently pursuing something that isn’t coming naturally. These are the type of people who may desperately want pancakes for breakfast, but if life serves them up scrambled eggs, they will say thank you, eat them, and never dare to ask for pancakes again. Some people take what they are given, and don’t rock the boat by going after what doesn’t come naturally or easily.
By pursuing infertility treatments, you are rocking the boat and
saying that you are not willing to accept what life has served you.
You want a baby, and if it doesn’t come naturally, well, then you will do
whatever modern medicine has at its disposal to make this baby come alive.
That freaks some people out–and you need to prepare and know that, so you can get ready for some criticism and disapproval. You need to carefully select whom you will tell about your infertility treatments, and who you share information with.
There are some people who already have children, and maybe all they dream about is a quiet weekend away without the hard work of caring for kids. So to them, they really don’t get what your intense longing is all about. They’ve sadly lost sight of the immense beauty and gift children are, and because they have lost sight, they can’t imagine what the big deal is and why you seem so determined to have a baby. They may even try to convince you to let this go and stay childless. Beware of these cynics, who may simply be just exhausted parents in disguise or parents who have lost the ability to see the joy in raising kids.
Others may not see you as “the mother type” because they can’t imagine you in a role they haven’t seen you in yet. Ignore them. They obviously don’t know who you really are and what you are capable of.
If they can’t see your maternal abilities, that is their lack of understanding. These are the same people who will someday go on and on about what a great mother you are.
There are a host of other discouraging, negative comments people may send your way. To some older friends and relatives, the whole
“science-making-a-baby-thing” can seem weird, odd, freakish and scary.
Don’t let all these negative comments in.
Screen carefully who you let be part of this process. Only let in friends and family who are positive, and who can ultimately see a good result for you. People who say things like, “Maybe God doesn’t want you to have a baby” need to be shut out during this time. Since when did they get the right to speak for God? Don’t talk to negative people about your dream of having a child.
Try not to be angry at these type of comments–forgive those you love, but don’t let your infertility become a topic of conversation with them.
If you are prepared for the negative comments, they will not throw you off course so easily or make you limp at the ‘surprise attacks.’ Instead, you will be cautious and aware of who you talk to about infertility. You’ll also understand that nothing they say or feel about this matters. You’ll realize that whatever negative shots are thrown your way come from ignorance, fear, misunderstanding or just plain stupidity. Don’t let it get to you. Don’t let the comments penetrate. Shake them off and keep walking towards your heart’s true desire.