Prepare to Banish the ‘No-You-Don’t-Deserve-That Monster’ Who May Lurk In Your Subconscious

Inside many of us, there lives a little no monster who is always telling us ‘no’.

The little no-monster wants to punish and deny us.

The little no-monster will say, ‘no, you can’t have that!’ ‘no you can’t do that!’ ‘no you don’t deserve that!’ ‘no someone like you will never get that!’

If you are going to harness all your power to make a baby, you need to set the ‘no-monster’ straight right from the beginning, and let it know ‘yes, I can have a baby’ ‘yes, I deserve a baby’ ‘yes, I am capable of giving birth.’

Tell the no-monster ‘yes I can get pregnant’, ‘yes my body is strong enough to conceive a child and hold it safely for nine months’, ‘yes someone like me will have a baby’ ‘yes, I deserve this to work out.’

The no-monster will remind you of all the times in your life you tried and failed. It will remind you of all the times you really, really wanted something and you failed to get it. It will remind you of all the things you didn’t achieve and all the people who hurt you. It will say over and over again that you are not the kind of person who ever gets what you want. It will tell you that you are a failure. It will tell you that woman with your type of personality/childhood/family history/experiences/ can’t do this.

You need to tell the no-monster to SHUT UP AND GO AWAY!

You need to squash that voice, argue it away, and put your inner yes master to work.

Because inside you also lives a ‘yes master.’ The ‘yes master’ believes in you and knows you can win. This ‘yes master’ knows very well that you are very capable of having a baby.

Allow this ‘yes master’ to scream right out loud that yes, you deserve a baby. Yes, you will get what you want. Yes, you can achieve what you set out to achieve. The yes-master will remind you of all those times in your life when you worked hard and achieved your goal.

It will remind you that miracles happen everyday, and people who never imagined they could get pregnant somehow end up having beautiful babies.

It will remind you that although your road may be long and hard, you can still reach your destination. The ‘yes master’ will encourage you to never give up. It will help you tap into the strong, courageous part of you who is able to step up to the plate and do whatever it takes to win.

Let the ‘yes-master’ be your friend through this ordeal, and tell the ‘no- monster’ to shove off.


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Prepare For The Hard times By Creating Happiness Zones in Your Life

You need from the very start of your infertility journey to create happiness zones that will give you some comfort and joy when the going gets tough.

A happiness zone is anything that nudges you gently over to a road of happiness, and shields you, even for a few minutes, from feelings of sadness, anxiety, anger and nervousness. A happiness zone can be a place you love to visit, time spent with a person who always leaves you feeling happy, a favorite picture, a game, hobby or a pet.

The more happiness zones you create in your life, the easier the hard times will be to endure. A happiness zone can be a weekly date with a friend, a singing or acting class, a knitting group, a book club, buying yourself flowers every Tuesday, taking yourself to a weekly picnic, or buying a fish tank, a cat or a plant.

Set up routines so you have pleasant experiences to look forward to each week. Is there a beautiful park nearby that you can take a walk at once a week? A place in your yard you can sit 15 minutes a day and enjoy the sunshine?

Have videos, music and books readily available that make you laugh and feel positive. Surround yourself with music that transport you back to happy times in your life.

Ask yourself: what makes me happy? Include these in your life more often! What can you do to make breakfast more enjoyable? Your drive to work? Your lunch hour or break time? Evenings at home? Saturday mornings?

Break it down by the hour if you have to—what would elevate your feelings of joy? It can be anything, from taking out your collection of childhood teddy bears and displaying them in the living room, to doing karaoke once a week with a new group of friends, to reading a chapter of the Bible daily.

Think about what made you happy when you were a child, a teenager and a young adult. Get ready to tap into the most ancient parts of yourself and start including those long-forgotten activities in your life.

In whatever ways you can, add fun and comfort to your home, your routines, and your life. These will lift you up as you walk this road.


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Prepare To Tap Into Your Power

To endure some of the challenges of infertility, you need to tap into your power.

While you cannot control or determine the outcome of your fertility journey, you do have some measure of power. You have the power to make choices, power to persevere, power to pray to God, power to believe against all odds, power to think positively, power to phone a friend who is positive and encouraging, power to read a book or listen to music that inspires, power to exercise, power to communicate, power to connect to nature, power to eat healthy foods, power to get up the next day, power to walk forward, power to sing, power to dance–power to envision ourselves in a life with the children we most desire.

Get ready to tap into all the power that is yours, that God has given all humans, and that can help you as you strive towards this goal.

You have power over what you eat, what you drink, and what you say out loud and to yourself.

You have the power to endure pain when you have to. You may have to endure shots twice a day for several weeks, and you may have to do this even if you think right now you could never endure shots. I am the biggest chicken on the planet–a person who can tolerate very little pain–and after awhile, the shots seemed like no big deal to me. If I can do it, you can too. Trust me on this one. You are have more power than you realize. You will be amazed at the power within you as you walk through infertility. Get ready to embrace it.


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Prepare to Switch Gears–and Switch Gears Often

Successfully coping with infertility can sometimes mean knowing when it is time to switch gears and try something new.

Switching gears can mean knowing when it is time to change doctors, try a different medication, or incorporate some holistic healing into your treatments.

Infertility treatments require the ability to shift gears and change tracks when the one you are on isn’t working. It requires bending, twisting and contorting as the path unfolds. Being prepared to switch gears means being flexible and welcoming change when need is needed. It means trying new ways of healing when they are presented to you. It means not clinging to a certain doctor or a certain medication that isn’t working.

This journey is not always Step A to Step B, it is sometimes Step A to Step N to Step Z back to Step C. Get your dancing shoes on and be ready for the trapeze act that will sometimes be required of you.

Don’t stay stuck thinking there is only one way to reach your goal–if
that path is not working, switch gears and be ready to go down a new path if you need to.


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Prepare To Get Organized

Getting organized is an important part of this journey. Purchase a date book or a blackberry where you can keep track of all your appointments.

Keep a notebook, preferably with pockets, where you can jot down any and all information that might help you with your treatments.
Helpful ideas, information from holistic practitioners, doctors and nurses, can all be stored in this notebook.

The more organized you are, the smoother this whole process will go.

What helped me was a daily calendar at-a-glance appointment book where I kept all phone numbers and appointments related to my infertility treatments.

I also had a big green notebook where I kept all information I gathered from books, magazine articles, television specials, on topics related to infertility, such as infertility medications, foods to help heal infertility. Anything I read or heard that might be of help to me all went into that notebook. Having all my information in one place helped me follow-up on things I learned.

Infertility treatments can be a bit like starting a new job: a lot is expected and there is little time to adjust.

You may need to organize what you will eat each day–no more
‘I-have-nothing-in-the-house-so-sugar/fast food/low quality food/ will have to due.’

Any vitamins or herbs you will be taking need also to be organized. If you are doing several cleanses in preparation of fertility treatments, you’ll need to organize these also.

In addition to keeping track and being on time for all your appointments with the infertility clinic, you’ll also need to keep track of any appointments with alternative practitioners, such as chiropractors or acupuncturists.

If you are also planning to add some stress-relieving type of exercises into your daily routine, you’ll also need to do some time management and scheduling to make this happen.

You’ll also need to organize foods, snacks and containers for these items, so that you always have on hand healthy foods, instead of being forced to eat junk food or fast foods, because you are starving and nothing is available. That might also mean preparing foods at night for the next day, washing fruits or vegetables and putting them in bags, or cooking several healthy meals ahead of time and freezing them.

When I began to seriously understand the role I needed to play in my own healing, I had to schedule time for light swimming, time to prepare healthy foods the night before work and acupuncture appointments.

Being well-organized will also help you when you feel emotionally shaky and unsure of your next step. Knowing what you need to do tomorrow can help keep you on track moving forward towards your goal.


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Prepare to Hear Some Negative Comments About Infertility Even from the People You Love

Realize and accept right from the start that sometimes you will hear negative comments about your infertility, even from close friends and family.

Not everyone you love will support or understand what you are going through. Some of your dearest and closest friends and relatives may not understand or approve of your pursuing infertility treatments. Others may think it odd that you are having trouble getting pregnant, attributing the problem to something that is “all in your mind.” Some may wonder why you want children so badly, labeling you as ‘obsessive’ or even ‘imbalanced.’

Some people may feel it is morally wrong to get medical help to have a baby. Some may not be able to understand at all why you are having trouble getting pregnant. They may blame you and say you are too uptight, anxious or nervous.

Other people might feel uncomfortable seeing someone ardently pursuing something that isn’t coming naturally. These are the type of people who may desperately want pancakes for breakfast, but if life serves them up scrambled eggs, they will say thank you, eat them, and never dare to ask for pancakes again. Some people take what they are given, and don’t rock the boat by going after what doesn’t come naturally or easily.

By pursuing infertility treatments, you are rocking the boat and
saying that you are not willing to accept what life has served you.

You want a baby, and if it doesn’t come naturally, well, then you will do
whatever modern medicine has at its disposal to make this baby come alive.

That freaks some people out–and you need to prepare and know that, so you can get ready for some criticism and disapproval. You need to carefully select whom you will tell about your infertility treatments, and who you share information with.

There are some people who already have children, and maybe all they dream about is a quiet weekend away without the hard work of caring for kids. So to them, they really don’t get what your intense longing is all about. They’ve sadly lost sight of the immense beauty and gift children are, and because they have lost sight, they can’t imagine what the big deal is and why you seem so determined to have a baby. They may even try to convince you to let this go and stay childless. Beware of these cynics, who may simply be just exhausted parents in disguise or parents who have lost the ability to see the joy in raising kids.

Others may not see you as “the mother type” because they can’t imagine you in a role they haven’t seen you in yet. Ignore them. They obviously don’t know who you really are and what you are capable of.

If they can’t see your maternal abilities, that is their lack of understanding. These are the same people who will someday go on and on about what a great mother you are.

There are a host of other discouraging, negative comments people may send your way. To some older friends and relatives, the whole
“science-making-a-baby-thing” can seem weird, odd, freakish and scary.

Don’t let all these negative comments in.

Screen carefully who you let be part of this process. Only let in friends and family who are positive, and who can ultimately see a good result for you. People who say things like, “Maybe God doesn’t want you to have a baby” need to be shut out during this time. Since when did they get the right to speak for God? Don’t talk to negative people about your dream of having a child.

Try not to be angry at these type of comments–forgive those you love, but don’t let your infertility become a topic of conversation with them.

If you are prepared for the negative comments, they will not throw you off course so easily or make you limp at the ‘surprise attacks.’ Instead, you will be cautious and aware of who you talk to about infertility. You’ll also understand that nothing they say or feel about this matters. You’ll realize that whatever negative shots are thrown your way come from ignorance, fear, misunderstanding or just plain stupidity. Don’t let it get to you. Don’t let the comments penetrate. Shake them off and keep walking towards your heart’s true desire.


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Prepare to Say Goodbye to Guilt, Shame and Self-Blame

Infertility is not a weakness, a curse, or a sin. Infertility is not something you should feel guilty about.

It is not your fault and it certainly doesn’t mean you are not meant to be a mother.

Infertility is a temporary physical condition that can be treated and healed. Millions of women once diagnosed with infertility went on to heal and give birth to their babies.

Should a person with a bad cold feel guilty because their nose is running? Doesn’t a person with a cold take Vitamin C and rest, knowing that with some orange juice and chicken soup, their nose will eventually stop running and they will return to living without a cold?

Is a person with cancer somehow to blame for the cancer? No, the body
sometimes gets on the wrong track, and whether it is a runny nose, an arthritic knee, cancer or acne, we should never blame ourselves for the times when the body goes awry. We are not physically perfect, nor should we expect ourselves to be.

What we are, and what we can expect from ourselves, is the capacity to heal and renew from temporary physical conditions.

Instead of guilt and shame, we need to forgive our body, love our body, be kind and good to our body, and work slowly and lovingly towards healing our body. Illness is in no way a reason to engage in self-hatred.

The body cannot be beaten and shamed back into health. It can, however, be loved and soothed back to a healthy state.

Wipe away right now any archaic ideas that you are evil, flawed, or cursed because you are having trouble getting pregnant.

You are not a bad person because you have a physical problem with
conception.

You are in simply a temporary state of infertility that can be healed.

Infertility is a malfunction of the body, just like any illness, and it
is no reason to beat yourself up.
Does infertility make you less of a woman? No, no and no. No self-hate allowed. No needless shame or guilt is warranted. You need now to love yourself as much as possible.

What is there to be ashamed of? What is there to feel guilty about?

Infertility is not a statement about your character, your worth, your power as a woman, your ability to mother, your maternal calling, your right to be a mother, your childhood, your family history, your ability to mother, or anything else.

Infertility is the result of the body straying down an unhealthy track—a track, however, that you can lovingly lead your body away from so that you can ultimately get back on a healthy, vibrant, blooming and yes, fertile track.

Say a goodbye to emotions like guilt and self-hatred because there is no validity to them.


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